Thoughts Are Not Reality: A Journey Toward Mental Clarity

About 5 years ago, I realized something profound: my mind and I were not one and the same. Until then, like most people, I thought my inner voice was simply me — my thoughts directly reflecting my feelings and reality. But during a transformative experience, I saw how relentless my mind was, constantly narrating everything around me. It hit me like a revelation, and I remember telling a friend, “There’s this voice in my head that just doesn’t shut up.”

At the time, I was completing my doctoral studies in psychology and gaining clinical experience. I had been introduced to mindfulness, but my initial reaction was one of skepticism. I found the practice preachy, and those practicing it seemed disingenuous. The lack of room for discourse around mindfulness turned me off further. I was someone who needed rational understanding before I could embrace something like mindfulness.

Yet, over the next four years, life led me back to mindfulness and meditation repeatedly, both in my personal journey and as part of my therapeutic practice. These practices became essential tools for me, not just in managing my own thoughts but in helping my clients.

The Mystery of Thoughts

The experience of thoughts remains one of the great mysteries of the universe. If thoughts seem ordinary to us, it’s only because their presence is so normalized throughout our lives. But what is a thought, really? Where do thoughts come from? What space do they occupy? Most of us live fused with our thoughts, seeing them as direct reflections of reality. However, our thoughts are not objective reality; they are interpretations, shaped by emotions, past experiences, and cognitive biases.

In his book The Watercourse Way, Alan Watts eloquently describes the relationship between thoughts and reality:

“For the game of Western philosophy and science is to trap the universe in a network of words and numbers, so there is always a temptation to confuse the rules, or laws, of grammar and mathematics with the actual operations of nature. We must not, however, overlook the fact that human calculation is also an operation of nature, but as trees do not represent or symbolize rocks, our thoughts — even if intended to do so — do not necessarily represent trees and rocks. Thoughts grow in brains as grass grows in fields. Any correspondence between them is abstract, as between ten roses and ten stones, which does not take into account the smell and color of the roses or the shapes and structures of the stones” (Watts, 1975, p. 29).

Watts offers a poetic perspective, highlighting how we often mistake our thoughts for reality. The experience of having a thought is real, but the content of that thought may or may not be. While thoughts may contain kernels of truth, they can never fully encapsulate the complexity of our existence.

Thought Fusion and Mental Health

This confusion between thought and reality is a concept also recognized in modern cognitive therapies, where it is referred to as cognitive fusion. Simply put, cognitive fusion is when we become so absorbed in our thoughts that we begin to see them as reality. For example, if someone has the thought “I am a failure,” in a state of cognitive fusion, they accept it as an undeniable truth, rather than recognizing it as a thought they are having (Hayes & Smith, 2005).

This is particularly evident when emotions are heightened, such as when we feel anxious. In these moments, anxious thoughts spiral, amplifying our emotions and making everything seem worse than it is. For instance, when we feel anxious about an upcoming job interview, we might have thoughts like, “I’ll never get the job” or “I’m not good enough.” If we fully believe these thoughts, our anxiety increases, and we become paralyzed. After the emotional intensity subsides, we often gain perspective and realize those thoughts didn’t reflect reality. Therefore, cognitive fusion is recognized as a key contributor to emotional distress and if often worked upon in Cognitive Behavioral Therapies (CBT).

Using Thoughts to Serve Us

An important step toward mental well-being is recognizing that our thoughts are not inherently true. Instead of automatically engaging with and believing every thought, we can learn to use them in a way that serves our goals. For instance, if your goal is to find a job, thinking, “I’ll never be chosen” only serves to hinder your progress. A more constructive thought would be, “How can I maximize my chances of getting this job?” Shifting our relationship with our thoughts can help us stay focused and effective.

Cultivating an attitude of presence and acceptance of the current moment through practices like mindfulness plays a crucial role in this process. When we catch ourselves spiraling into unhelpful thoughts, we need to pause, acknowledge the emotions we are experiencing, and give them space to be. We must allow ourselves to feel afraid, sad, or angry — these are natural parts of life, and just like thoughts, emotions are also temporary.

By developing this practice, we gain the ability to observe our thoughts without immediately reacting to them, giving us the clarity to choose more helpful, constructive paths. This practice is not only vital for our own mental health but also an essential tool we can use to support others.

Conclusion

The journey to understanding that our thoughts are separate from ourselves is transformative. It’s not about silencing the mind, but rather learning to step back and observe it without judgment. Whether you’re navigating stress, anxiety, or the everyday challenges of life, ask yourself: How can I use my thoughts to serve me, rather than letting them control me? This shift in perspective is where mindfulness begins, and it’s where we find clarity and peace.

References

• Hayes, S. C., & Smith, S. (2005). Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life: The New Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. New Harbinger Publications.

• Watts, A. (1975). The Watercourse Way. Pantheon Books.